I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
