oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
