I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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