He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
