i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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