she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
