I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
