I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
