Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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