when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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