I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i barfeds in our rink
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
