I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
