she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
