GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
