i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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