First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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