I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You made out with two different species that night
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
