I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
