You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize