I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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