There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
