Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
