toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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