she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
