Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
