Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
