If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
