He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
