Whod you bang
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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