just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
