im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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