she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
