It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
