how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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