It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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