mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
