he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
