College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
