You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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