I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
