I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
