New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
