I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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