I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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