I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
