Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
