I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
