i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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