Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
