I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
did i walk over a car last night?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
