The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my shit smells like andre
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
