worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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