I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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