His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Shame - the story of my life.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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