Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
