I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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