1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
