also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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