bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize