like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
