So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
