Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
