i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
