yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
