You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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