Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
