mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
