Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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