i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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