dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
