he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
