I want to have your abortion
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
