Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
