she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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