Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
