We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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