The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
