They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
