so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
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