i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There's a naked man in my car right now.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
