he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
