I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize