are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
