loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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